foxnewsofficial:

cumomelet:

a riddle:

a man is driving his son to school. they get into an accident and the man dies. the son is rushed to the hospital and when he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says “i cant operate on this boy, he is my son!” 
how is this possible? 

omg one time our english teacher told us this to try and show what a modern thinker he was and we were all like “it’s a woman” and he was like oh wow i thought he was gay i hadn’t thought of that

Conversation I heard in Starbucks

  • *A guy and a girl walk in and order their coffee. They sit across from each other and just start talking. The guy asks her if she'd like to go out with him. She politely turns him down and says she's not interested. The guy begins to rant about how "nice guys finish last"*
  • Guy: I've known you since freshman year! I've been there during all your break ups with jerks and you treat me like this?
  • Girl: So just because you're there for me, I should date you? Is that what you're saying?
  • Guy: I'm just saying you should give me a chance.
  • Girl: Listen, I just don't like you in that way. I'm not looking for a relationship and I want us to be friends, and nothing more. I'm sorry, I just want to stay where we are right now.
  • Guy: Why don't you like me? It's because I'm not an asshole, huh?
  • Girl: You gotta be fucking kidding me. You seriously think I go for guys who treat me like garbage? I go for guys who I like, guys who don't play the "nice guys finish last" card.
  • Guy: I'm just saying what needs to be said. You don't appreciate all the things that I've done for you.
  • Girl: Oh yeah? Like what?
  • Guy: There was that one time I got you some pads when you were on your...you know....
  • Girl: OH, SO BECAUSE YOU HELPED ME PREVENT MY PANTIES FROM LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING THAT CLEANED UP A MURDER SCENE, I SHOULD TOTALLY FUCK YOU, RIGHT?
  • Guy: Please, just lower your voice, you're causing a scene-.
  • Girl: NO, LET THEM KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKWAD THAT THINKS I SHOULD RIDE YOUR DICK JUST BECAUSE YOU TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN.
  • Girl: I don't owe you ANYTHING. I'm grateful for the things you've done for me, but it's hard to remain grateful when you act like an inconsiderate jerk like you're doing right now.
  • Girl: Do me a favor and get your head out of your ass, it's not a hat. Stick to a fedora like all the other "friend-zoned" guys out there.
  • *the whole cafe sits in silence*
  • *barista starts clapping*
assbutt-in-the-garrison:

heartnmavin:

anescapedfish:

positiveclarity:

all-in-all-love:

ask-monsuir-grantaire:

doughnut-tax-outrage:

iwearadeathfrisbeenow:

tyleroakley:

Yikes.

THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT ANY SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS WOULD TELL YOU TO DO.

So she’s getting punished for doing the right thing? She should have let her friend drive drunk? Should she have let her friend kill herself in an auto accident? 

Reblogged it before and i’ll fucking reblog it again.

glad bhs isnt like this

WAIT I KNOW HER WTF?

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT
THIS IS HOW YOU GET KIDS KILLED

Whats the school got to do with it though? This happened outside of school hours so why are they getting involved?


Welcome to America.
Zoom Info
assbutt-in-the-garrison:

heartnmavin:

anescapedfish:

positiveclarity:

all-in-all-love:

ask-monsuir-grantaire:

doughnut-tax-outrage:

iwearadeathfrisbeenow:

tyleroakley:

Yikes.

THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT ANY SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS WOULD TELL YOU TO DO.

So she’s getting punished for doing the right thing? She should have let her friend drive drunk? Should she have let her friend kill herself in an auto accident? 

Reblogged it before and i’ll fucking reblog it again.

glad bhs isnt like this

WAIT I KNOW HER WTF?

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT
THIS IS HOW YOU GET KIDS KILLED

Whats the school got to do with it though? This happened outside of school hours so why are they getting involved?


Welcome to America.
Zoom Info

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

heartnmavin:

anescapedfish:

positiveclarity:

all-in-all-love:

ask-monsuir-grantaire:

doughnut-tax-outrage:

iwearadeathfrisbeenow:

tyleroakley:

Yikes.

THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT ANY SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS WOULD TELL YOU TO DO.

So she’s getting punished for doing the right thing? She should have let her friend drive drunk? Should she have let her friend kill herself in an auto accident? 

Reblogged it before and i’ll fucking reblog it again.

glad bhs isnt like this

WAIT I KNOW HER WTF?

THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT

THIS IS HOW YOU GET KIDS KILLED

Whats the school got to do with it though? This happened outside of school hours so why are they getting involved?

Welcome to America.

enoland8:

reyairia:

reyairia:

A gameshow that forces male nerds into the unnecessarily sexualized outfits female video game characters have that they defend as “practical,” and then makes them do agility training

this had sixty notes last night

SIXTY NOTES

I’m still down for it.